I just really hate my life right now. I’ve already been here for 2 years, and I’ve tried to give California a second chance but it’s failing. I’m still living with my mom. (21 BTW) Last time I had a bf was 2010 and that lasted 6 months. Don’t have any friends. Had one, he used me, had another one, she lied and stole from me and my mom. Have no job. I was cheering but they were all kind of rude and weren’t that nice. Said I was going to tryout again and I told people and the coaches I was going to but then I decided not to. Then the day comes for tryouts- don’t get a call, text, nothing. I follow some of them on Insta, didn’t get a comment like, “oh hey I thought you were trying out this year.” My car is squeaking. Don’t have the money to fix it. Wisdom teeth coming out, don’t have the money to take care of it. Try meeting new people but don’t get a second look because I’m fat. I know that can change and I work on it but each time I work out and feel like I’m doing better I look in the mirror and hate it. I hate it so much I don’t want to eat at all. But then food comes and I’m weak. Tried throwing up but that didn’t last long. Trying to get to London for a week and don’t have the money for that. I tell family I can work for donations like taking the recycling or doing chores, doing the grocery shopping. One aunt is being wonderful and letting me babysit. The others- nothing. I kind of want to go to London and never come back. Then most people here in California don’t use their blinker…. HELLO!!?!?!?!?!??! YOU WONT CRASH AND DIE IF YOU USE YOUR BLINKER!! And California is VERY dirty. I don’t see the appeal. I came here to go to a school that was beautiful, that didn’t work out and now I’m stuck in filth. I just want to sleep and never wake up, like either kill myself or wake up back in Colorado or in London. Cause I hate it here.